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[07 Nov 2006|10:46pm] |
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celtic hip hop |
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you'll never guess what happened to me today.....
i went downtown to go shopping and i was at shoe store to buy some new nike high tops. when i came out of the store wearing my new shoes, this asshole robot comes out of no where and steps on fuckin shoe! i was all like yo why you up in my grill? why you be steppin' on my high tops O MY GOD WHATS GOING ON and he was all like bitch you bes walkin on da wrong side of the streeeeeeeeeeet.
so then i went to get some tim hortons coffee with 3 creams and 3 sugars and i drank that shit. after that i went to aldo accessories to buy a new bag. the sales lady (who looked EXACTLY like a younger verion of joan rivers) came up to me and asked if i wanted to see the new snake skin purse. so i was all like heck yeah i will..lemme see that shit. so then she goes to the back and comes out with this bag made entirely out of real live snakes! yeah. i know. it was stupid. these snakes were fuckin vicious bitches! snapping out at me like i was there god damn dinner! so then i left.
after that i left the eaton center and i got on the 501 Neville Park streetcar going east. as i was walking to the back to get a seat, this 3 eyes dino starts tap dancing right in front of me, blocking my fuckin way! so i was all like MOOOVE bitch, get out the way, get out the way bitch get out the way just moooooooove. so then he moved and i was all like...yeh. so i get off the streetcar and i'm about to cross the street and this big boobed wrestler challenged me to a dance off for permission to cross the street. yeah i rocked that shit.
i get to my house and open the door to find that my cats had grown to the size of an elephant. so they went in to lick me but i got tangled in with their fur ball and was stuck! luckily i had my screw driver handy and i reverse drilled my way out.
and then i met up with elly.
the end.
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[18 Jun 2006|09:17pm] |
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so ryan bought a one way ticket to B.C.
he says he's going for a month but might not come back.... i am absolutely devastated.
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[15 Jun 2006|10:31am] |
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mood |
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Four Non Blondes - Whats Going On |
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wonderland was the sshhhiiiiiiiiiit!
know what else is the sshhiiiit? double dates. thats right i fuckin said it. actually, scratch that. double dates with friends that actually like my boyfriend. i've got a total of 3 friends so far that actually like hanging out with him, i've got a few that destroy his soul with their words and then i've got a few that just completely refuse to acknowledge his existence.
anyfuckinwho..sarah's boyfriend gets 4 free tickets every 40 hours he works which is every effin week! the four of us are going every weeeeeeeek. yo there were noooo line ups! i think the longest we had to wait was 3 minutes. damn son we went on every single ride atleast twice and stayed on the wild beast 8 times in a row with MY TIT POPPING OUT EVERYTIME WE WENT DOWN. fuckin top gun video tapes you throughout the entire ride. didja know that? if the tape didnt cost 40 fuckin dollars i would have bought it and used it against ryan cuz i'm pretty sure he had a minor heart attack as we were going down the drop. oh there is also sound so all you here is a faint "EEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeee". those shreeks definately didnt come from me.
fuck i'm late for work
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[30 May 2006|10:28pm] |
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good lord i am so fucking sun burnt.
why on earth would i think its okay for me, a pasty ass british girl, to walk around queen street yesterday with absolutely no protection on, a serious lack of clothing due to the unbarable heat and a wardrobe consisting of entirely black. WHY.
good news is im not peeling, nor am i a sore sight to look at. i just have the same pinkish hue that i usually have with a hint of magenta and blood red.
so i went to the hospital with ryan last night. it was about time for him to get his idiotic stitches out from a previous injury due to attempting to skateboard and falling on broken glass. but yesterday he had an even better reason to go! a beer bottle broke and cut the shit out of his hand. was i impressed? heck no. he got a total of 13 stitches throughout his hand. was i sympathetic? heck no.
i've come to the conclusion that my life and seinfeld are very similar. it always seems like i start my stories with "it was just like that seinfeld episode where...". so after ryan and i returned from the hospital after a FOUR HOUR FUCKING WAIT we decided to install his air conditioner. briliant idea...a cripple and a girl with the upper body strength of a kitten attempt to install an air conditioner at 3 in the morning. any of you seinfeld fans can imagine what happens next. the air conditioner falls out of the window, i try and grab the cord but it yanked me so fast that half my body flew out of the window. if it wasnt for ryans freakishly strong arms i would have fell. so picture this, i'm half out the window holding on to this air conditioner for dear life because it was so motherfucking hot in his house and ryan's got his one non disabled arm wraped around my stomache trying to pull me in. the good news is the three of us survived and we lived happily ever after in a very air conditioned room.
the
end
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[18 Apr 2006|08:41pm] |
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Pretty Fly For A White Guy - Offspring |
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epiphany!
is the song 'Pretty Fly For A White Guy' by Offspring about Ryan?? no disrespect for my home boy or nuttin' but its sounds like a lyrical biography! all gangsta jokes a side ryan is the shit. speaking of gangsta..thursday night i got right pissed at a staff party. take alexis' already bubbly fuckin personality, shove 5 coolers, 4 beers, 5 shots, 2 sex on the beach drinks and a rum and coke down her throat, then place her in a bar with some white chick stripping on the bar table, throw in a little sean de paul, a table and you've got alexis krumping and shaking her ass in front of a bar full of people. expect me to appear on girls gone wild anytime soon.
hey if you put cortasone on a cut will it heal it?
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[22 Feb 2006|07:51pm] |
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Frank Zappa - My Guitar Wants To Kill Your Mama |
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so why does the craziest shit always happen to me??!?!
okay so sarah and i went shopping today and on our way out of the mall we decided to stop in the pet shop and look at some kitties. so we finally get the pet shop guys attention and we ask him if we can hold the kitties. so he gives each of us a kitty and puts us in this room and says "be right back". so we're playing with the kitties in this room for a few minutes. a few minutes turns into 15 minutes. so sarah and i are like okay we better put the kitties back before we really fall in love with them. so sarah goes to open the door but the door was fuckin locked! so we were like whatever the guy said he'd be right back....we waited in that room for a total of 45 minutes with those fuckin cats! the stupid motherfucker forgot about us!! oh on top of that the cat that sarah was holding had to take a fuckin shit and did it in the corner of the room we were in. we didnt tell the guy that, we thought it would be a nice surprise a few days from now.
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[15 Sep 2005|02:20pm] |
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The Dandy Warhols - Bohemian Like You |
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holy hell i havent updated in a long motha truckin time..
so. i've started the college life and i love it, well i dont love all of it, but i love most of it. i wish they gave us longer smoke breaks, that would be ideal and save a lot of embarrassment. the people i've met so far are awesome, especially jen...thats right i'm talkin to you. it's pretty sweet having a friend in my fashion program cuz the rest are a pretty special bunch. already there is a teachers pet, "the skank", a transvestite, a guy who we cant determine whether on not he's gay or straight, and the stupidest mother fucker who tries to be sean desmond. what is up with that guy. the classes are pretty cool, except for computer applications and marketing. in comp applications we're learning how to save effing documents and how to properly turn on and off the computer. on top of that our teacher wears his pants super high and we think he wears dentures. and marketing, not only is that class so boring it makes you suicidal, the teacher frickin locked us out of the class room for taking too long after break. what the heck, he expects us to have a smoke in 10 minutes, when it actually takes a good 5 minutes to get out of the building. that was oober embarrassing, but not as embarrassing as that time jen and i walked into class late and had to get separated..not cool...not cool. so yeah here are pics from last weak when i stayed with elly in rez.
 
 
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[23 Jun 2005|11:57pm] |
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so i'm going on a date with drew tomorrow. yo fully excited..
i like this boy, maybe because he's not like ryan.. hm. we're going to the driving range, gay i know. last time i saw him i retardididddly...told him that i'm amazing at golf which i'm not...cyril you know, so he was like "hey we should totally go to the driving range next time!" and i was like "ha..yeaah! super....!" so maybe i'll conveniently twist my wrist tonight as a cop out. and then we're going to see a drive in movie, but apparently only batman and that moving..traveling pants movie are playing..and batman blew my fucking ass! but i'll see it again only if i can shellack him with oil during the movie.............
loves it
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[10 Jan 2005|11:33am] |
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Back To Life - Soul II Soul |
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I love it.
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